You got to lose to know how to win

Friday, December 20, 2013

Another Beginning

After closed to 2 months in AFTC, finally graduated and sent to squadron.
Got sent to Sembawang Air Base for my remaining NSF life, to be a FLC there.
Looking forward to the challenges ahead and wanting to work hard for it even though I did not have any engineering background. HAHA.
Received the WINGS today, somehow with this, it look so much differently.
Everyone were pretty excited and happy but also with sadness as we are separating and heading to our individual squadron. 2 months wasn't long but definitely there was a bond among all of us I'm pretty sure.
Not forgetting our mentors, who are amazing enciks, always taking care of us and making sure nothing goes wrong and everyone gets the welfare and attention needed.

To think back of it, how much I went through during that period of time and now where am I..
Time really helps alot..
I still remember when it had a big question mark in everyone head when I got posted to this,
and how it somehow took something away in my life,
going through that hardest period all by myself....

but I'm glad that I knew many people,
made new buddies,
and also know many others good souls out there.
Thank You!

Jon

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Just Another Sat

Met Bo Hui and Adrian at Plaza Singapura in the afternoon to get present, attending Glenn's girlfriend of 7 years birthday celebration at Pasir Ris later on. And walked from like Plaza Sing to City Hall searching for a suitable present and finally after close to an hour plus of decision making and walking around, we settled for a Swarovski necklace. After buying the present, all of us came to a conclusion that, Buying a girl gift was easy that's provided you're buying for your gf. HAHA.

Realized that when a girl turns 21, she really is treated like a princess! HAHA.

Then came a message asking me what event do I have tonight. HAHA.. After say 3 year plus, I never have imagined this, I never have expected this,

But is happening. HAHA.
She put me aeroplane last night so I thought she was making it up to me... HAHAHA..
So met her at Clarke Quay Shuffle and settled for a bucket and spicy wings( not that good) and just nice, my table was in front of the tv, SOCCER! hahaha.. but she made noise that my focus was on the tv..
At least I grew taller, I think I grew taller also but she more violent than before.. abusing me in front of so many people... HAHAHA..
but the atmosphere was good, live band and dedication, just abit noisy with people talking very loudly, trying to out sound the music and other tables.
Finishing the bucket, it was 12plus, time to go home. HAHA..

Jon

Friday, November 22, 2013

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!

Officially turned 21 today!
Another milestone yet again, another journey.
Had a simple thai dinner, 2 tables at Chong Pang area.
Pay dinner of course, a form of saying thank you to respective uncles and aunties who have been looking out for me and my family, not forgetting my godparents and also my cousins.
Received big ang baos and also presents, like being long since I received presents. HAHA.
And the presents turn out to be both watches. Am I a person who is always late? :P
After dinner, was cake cutting session, cake bought from my two beloved brothers. Thanks Brothers!
At first I wasn't having the intention to celebrate but you know, situation is fluid and just a call from mum and is 21st birthday, at least have a cutting cake session to commemorate it.

After cutting cake, it was to the drink! HAHA..
Met Bryan and Jerry, FIRST BOOK OUT! cabbed down to doll house and open 2 bottle.
That place changed so much, the last time I went there was like a year ago and it became so torn down.. Guess these places not really surviving though..
I guess the 2 boys have a good time until they cannot tank and I wasn't even warmed up! HAHA..
Had no choice, left a bottle there and send the 2 boys back.

Thanks for everyone who made the efforts,
the presents,
the red packets and
of course the wishing.
Thank You so much! (:

Birthday Wish:

Everyone to stay healthy and wealthy
And of course, find the right one.

Jon

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

21st birthday is just 2 days away,

Yet I feel no excitement,

Or looking forward to it..

It just have that sucky feeling, maybe is just the after effect of what happened a month ago.

Appreciate those who text and ask about any celebration. HAHA.

But sadly to say, there wouldn't be any massive celebration though the initial plan was to have.

This 21st will be just like my 20th, quiet and low profile.

Jon

Saturday, November 16, 2013

There are some things in life that are not seen by the naked eye,

Not feel by touched,

But only lies in the beholder.

It's amazing whatever that you shared,

When you looked back at everything, it was happiness and blessing,

And when it's over and you looked back, everything is just memories.

Was packing my stuffs and clearing it, putting all the stuffs that was shared into the 'history' cupboard,

chanced upon the letter that was given me during my field camp "letter given from our loved ones". Indeed at that point, it meant so much to me, opening it to read was already enough to make me tear, this was how much it meant to me but now, is just remains as a piece of history.

Read it once through and it all don't seem to make sense now, that's when everything has turned into just memories, just a past that once happened in your life, not in the present nor the future,

All the words that was written on that piece of paper is just words now, mainly just letters and words.

As I closed the lid, it was sealed and never turning back.

Jon

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Jon

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

There are so many things to look forward at the end of the year and yet i don't have the mood to celebrate already even though I know there are people who want to celebrate it.

My wonderful end of year programs is wrecked.

It was made to be a happy occasion, now it turns to be a mourning occasion.

Yes, I can make the best out of it but where to find the mood to make the best out of it.

I put you high up in the sky

And now, you're not coming down

It slowly turned, you let me burn

And now we're ashes on the ground

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can't live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

I came in like a wracking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

And you ever did was break me

H B T Y

Jon

Sunday, November 10, 2013

I don't know why every time at this point of the year, everything will just go down..
Like a roller coaster ride...
Goes up slowly and yet come down so quickly..
Once again, lost myself and the purpose in life again, no dream no direction...
Everyday seems like a... wake up and just do because I need to do, there is no more purpose in life or I haven't find the next purpose in my life.
Guess it's another recovery period like the last one, 2 months.. HAHA..
That's just one do it man..

Been 3 weeks since I entered AFTC.

Everyday is studying and studying, is like during poly years again...

But I'm taking it as learning something new but I think they misunderstand engineering informatics as a course related to engineering sector. But I'm going try my best to pass the weekly examination and behave myself, don't wanna get into any trouble man...

Been coughing for the past 3 weeks, on and off, flu and a lot of phlegm....

Must be not enough water, body feeling so dehydrated and plus alcohol every weekend, definitely body feeling dehydrated...

It close to 8pm on a Sunday, going to have to prepare to book in again.... Damn...

Another week, hopefully just passed easily.

Jon

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Jon

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

Don't tell me you feel apologetic,
Don't tell me you feel guilty
Cause you should
The moment you said that two word, everything falls on you.
I took 1 week plus to revive back, don't say I didn't try During that week, he came to stir things up, don't say accidentally or whatever fuck shit, it was wrong. It shouldn't even happened, it was wrong, don't say it his problem and all.
You could have done better, all I can say you didn't do a clean job clearing up that's why now we have to go through this and I have to suffer with it, suffer with something that I wasn't involved.
Accusing you is wrong but what you want me to do, everything seems to be pointing there, you just didn't do a good job, you don't know what you want, I made it clear to you. You just don't know what you want. Don't say I wanna make the whole world know you're the devil, people have eyes, they see themselves. I don't need to tell anything, people can easily see for themselves. That's a fact.
Giving 101% and this is the thing I get, I never request anything from you but you just didn't do a good job handling it 我不甘心.
Nobody wants to be a loser, everyone wants to be a winner but you made me a loser again.
Have you ever put in my shoe? I did put myself in your shoe, parents objecting I went through it, I fought hard for it. Past coming back, sadly I will never experience that because I do a good job and make sure it clean thoroughly. It's ridiculous.
Now just go and don't turn back, let's not stab each other again, everything hurts, everyone's is tired.
To be friend now isn't a good time, let's just stay as we don't know each other, let every good things just be happiness
A passing by happiness.

Jon

Monday, November 04, 2013

Alcohol Poisoning

Dad was sharing with me about this Australian guy who was a weekly drinker and got alcohol poisoning and nearly lost his life. Then I told him, 3 guys finished the whole bottle of a vodka and quarter of a Martel and he was like.. "WHAT! better don't drink so much otherwise end up like the Aussie guy!"
Hey, Daddy didn't say cannot drink but better don't drink so much! kekeke! Drink from the bottle.

So went to did a research on alcohol poisoning and based on the site I went, alcohol poisoning is seriously no joke. The symptoms of it is like vomiting, slow breathing... heart beating fast, blood circulatory goes up like rocket... but this is like so common for me man...
But most importantly it stated in the site that one cannot leave the alcohol in the body for too long, so going to toilet to relieve is a important thing. Relieving it out from the body is another way of not letting the alcohol level to accumulate inside the stomach and intestine, reducing the chances of alcohol poisoning( this is just what I concluded from what they say)
Sleeping away from it also is not good for the body, SHIT! I do that.
Can't wait for next weekend to come again because that's the only time I can sleep without thinking...

Weekend was a drag, time passed so slow...... Booking in later because of the holiday in lieu so didn't had to book in yesterday. Parade tmr first thing in the morning, got my hair cut and bag packed, ready for the week... I think.
Gonna have to survive the torment of sitting in the lecture room hearing the lesson for the whole day! DIE!
Examination on Wednesday and I haven't revise it man..
Got to revise tmr during my free time.
5 weeks to go!

No drinks for 4nights

Jon

Sunday, November 03, 2013

Did I overlook?

-A plaster is used to dress injuries not serious enough to require full medical attention,

I guess this plaster is not enough to heal me.

They said that I overlooked many things in the relationship.
They said I should just stab my heart and change a new heart, the heart is too soft.. soft-hearted.
I was giving too much trust and commitment that I forgot about myself.
Till today, I still cannot understand and get the hang of it. It's like totally, giving 100% everything to you and then end up, all this things happening...
Do you know what's fighting for someone? Do you know what's fighting?
Fighting for something means not fearing whatever happens, being there for the person no matter how people are going to say or judge. That's fighting.
How is it call fighting for the relationship when you don't even have the guts to tell everybody about us especially him( not forgetting trying to come twitter to trigger something, don't know what's his intention), your mum about us even she opposing it... You're not even proud of it.
Don't tell me you fought for us. From what I'm seeing, somehow cannot seem to link fighting for the relationship, fighting for me.
To this day, I felt like I'm being cheated, my feelings, my commitment.
I'm like a replacement once again..
The finger was pointing at me, yet when everything is over, the truth somehow seen some light.. the bitter truth, my wrongdoings were just a cover up.
It wasn't the way I thought, I wasn't the way I look at it, It was the other way round..
The 'secret' slowly reveals itself....Yeah, sometimes I'm contradicting, I agreed but from the way it is, you seem to be on the same line too.
Now I know why you weren't attentive towards me after that 1st month, It wasn't about me, it was you.
I did approach you if you had any problems, you said you were stress with studies and mum issue. So I took the understanding of that and not bother by it, give you the space and time you needed.
Really don't know why it's happening to me again, the same old situation, back to back relationship...
I given too much that I always forget to love myself, giving myself away.
My understanding and forgiveness towards this relationship has been taken for granted.
I have so many question marks about everything now, everything you did and all, what's actually going on, if the feeling faded away 1 month ago, then who was I going out with? Or rather who was I loving?
I had limitations because we couldn't go public, that's the biggest sacrifice in a relationship,
Didn't even post a photo on us, I also didn't make noise,
Post the things that he give you, I also didn't make a fuss out of it.
It just seems like I was the one pulling the strings together after anything happened... Anything happened whether caused by me or you.
We will drift apart when something happened and I was the one pulling the string to each other, giving assurance.
I'm not being sarcastic, I'm not being unreasonable but is just things you shown and given to this relationship somehow really really hurts me deeply, very deeply...

Ask yourself, touch your heart and ask yourself,
Do you agree actually we never have problems/ issues with each other, even there is, we could solve it together and come to a consensus. The real problems actually are coming from outside of us, outside the heart shaped of us, people who shouldn't be involved in the first place.

Do you think I even have the mood to go drinking with girls? Like seriously?
You think I treat my relationship like a game, when it ended, I go drink and celebrate with girls?
The pain and sorrow is enough..
Whatever you are going through, I'm going twice of it, maybe even triple or quadruple of it..

I survived the broken heart that was given to me,

I have battle scars fighting for you,

now, you left me bleeding all night

Jon

Saturday, November 02, 2013

Amnesia

I remember how it burns, how it burns

slowly like a cigarette

It's like water in my lungs, in my lungs

Cause I'm drowning in my regret

Everyday is getting worse like a curse,

I'm becoming insomniac

And I just can't get over it...

having trouble to sleep every night,

every time I close my eyes, flashback and playback into the wonderful time 2 months ago and now, a deserted unwanted time...

drinking to sleep every night, not going back to medication...

or should I just seek professional help?

Jon

Friday, November 01, 2013

Let the rich treat you like dirt

The poor to treat you like treasure.

My guess was right. I was damn right.

Contradicting? Me?

I'm not that contradicting after all.

Yeah, I lied but I guess you cheated.

From the time till now when your mum opposed the relationship was close to 3-4 weeks and your feeling were fading at that point of time, somehow it seems you cheated for my feelings for a month.

Whose contradicting? Means you were all prepared to end it before I know it. Now I have my doubts about you, and somehow all the question marks links up, not attending my POP ceremony and etc. now I know, I finally know. Fight for the relationship? Yeah, with little effort. Giving up when shit happens. I don't know how should I be feeling now, angry over cheating me? Happy that it ended? I think is sorrow that it was the former again. Yet again...

I don't want to know the reasons also, because it will just be absurd, everyone will be thinking, this kind of thing also happening, I never thought it will happen to me though but oh well...

Unbelievable... I thought all along it was my fault and now it doesn't seem to be.

I'll stop trying and expressing anymore, I'm tired. This will just go on and on... Partly my fault I admit but... I have nothing else to fight for already. Really a fool.

Don't have to be guilty anymore, I'm ending it, I'm not trying anymore.

Have nothing for you but just wish you all the best in your examination ahead and in life.

Jon

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

給我一個理由忘記那麼愛我的你
給我一個理由放棄當時做的決定
有些愛越想抽離卻越更清晰
而最痛的距離是你不在身邊卻在我的心裡

我找不到理由忘記大雨裡的別離
我找不到理由放棄我等你的決心
有些愛越想抽離卻越更清晰
而最痛的距離是你不在身邊卻在我的心裡
我想你

Jon

Monday, October 28, 2013

The lowest point in my life

Life hits rock bottom once again...
I don't know why...
Just like a parachuter leaping out from the sky, free falling without its parachute being deployed...
And slam! hit into the ground, making a deep mark.

Desolated,
Lost...
Frustrated...
When a man cries, means he is letting out his feelings.
When a sad man doesn't cry, nobody knows what inside of him that exploding.

There are still so many things going in my mind,
Sitting by the reservoir, many things going through my head.
'Has signs been giving in the progress of the relationship?'
'Why didn't I question it?'
Whatever that's going through the mind, there is no point now.
We had made a good memories, this is for sure,
how we started, chasing, teasing each other,
The first phone call, I will never forget that... the surprise element was huge.
The first date,
The first driving date,
The first kiss and the first hug..
All these were wonderful memories, and will definitely leave a mark inside me.
2 month plus, say short also not short, say long also not long..
But to me,
In a relationship is not how long it is, but rather, what did we go through together as a couple.
They say time will heal everything, true, is the best medicine... but if it ended for a reason then time will heal, but is it did not end with a valid reason, I'm pretty sure it going to take a very very long time...
Memory are still fresh in the head, heart is still intact with your name, somehow it felt like you're still belonging to me, still with me. That's how sudden it is..
It's not about pointing the blame to whose fault, but is just how could it ended like this ?
Say go then go, say end then end. ):
Not coping well for sure, definitely for sure.
So many things in my head, brain squeezing, heart aching....
人间没希望、没快乐、没意思

This morning, Mum start asking me about you,
when exams and stuffs,
and then ask me to call you to join for dinner today, heading to have the complimentary meals from Pizza Hut during the BMT.
Why ask me when everything ended? How am I going to answer and face it?
Met papa and mama for dinner together, first question was: 'Girlfriend didn't come?'
I seriously have no guts to face it now, I want to hide. Avoiding all these questions...

As for you,
Exams is coming, your hard work will pay off after spending so much time on studying and putting in effort.
Everyone has their limit, don't always think negatively and saying you not putting enough effort or you're stupid. Just do your best!
And also remember to take care of your health, be safe and careful in whatever you're doing.
You will never know whose worrying for you always.

looking at this video, it never fail to make me feel the sting in my heart.
Somehow I don't know why, I'm not angry or pissed, just question mark and question mark in my head. There isn't any hatred or bad feelings but just.... sigh..
miss you

Jon

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Obligation or Commitment?

Jon

I didn't text you much today doesn't mean I'm leaving you alone, so letting you go.

Your first paper is next week, so you must be double accelerate now UHS! Jiayou!

I hope I can meet you before your first paper, most prob sat. I hope you see this post you will get back to me.

I know you won't reply me not because you don't want to but because you're studying but please don't shut the door on me, will die de me. Okay? I swear, it really will kill me

Feeling so sick, having bad flu ): and throat....

ALWAYS B SAFE AND careful of what you're doing.

You still mean a lot to me.

Waiting for your blog post though...

多想說聲我真的愛妳　多想說聲對不起妳
妳哭著說情緣已盡　難再續　難再續

0952

Jon

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Hours after that post,

5 unanswered calls

1 rejected call

Ample texts and whatapps messages,

She's calling it quits.

She's putting a stop now,

She's end it right here.

She says she is happy alone,

Happier alone without me,

Doing things alone happier.

What can I say? Heartbroken.

She's really washing her hands off now.

Personality issues? Nobody knows the real reason.

Academically wise, I admit I'm not that smart,

I don't come from a well off family but I have a happy family, a family where I go home with smiles and laughter, blessed with happiness.

and I start feeding myself since 16years old.

Yeah, I don't have a stable saving, my future look bleak.

Why can't I be given the chance?

I'm fighting for the chance but why?

For this whole 2 months,

I put in everything I had,

People around can see that I tried hard woo-ing you,

I didn't give up and stop there upon the

first rejection,

second rejection,

I just kept trying and trying till I won your hand.

The cards and efforts,

Going through so much to woo you,

Going through even more during the process of being together,

Not a single whine was made.

From mental stress of your ex and mother,

I gave what I can even though I had restriction.

When we just got together, you wasn't adaptable to my love,

Not able to go public,

Hiding here and there,

Try not to do things that can give you troubles,

Scarificing my dates for you to study through your weekends,

Giving you the space to study,

Accommodating to whatever requests you have, thinking that it was best for you to go through this period of time,

Absorbing your vents and pressure from your studies,

Sharing the load of pressure you had.

What can I give now?

What more could I offer?

So you think I'm that kind where I get your hand then I stop trying because you're my woman already?

I can't be more proud of having you, I always flaunt the things I done to you in front of my buddies girlfriends to make them jealous and make them give their boyfriend the "why didn't you do such things to me" stare. Don't say I didn't fight for you, didn't make a stand for you.

But because of accumulated disappointmentS and issues, you stopped.

Because of things that happened in the past to you before so now it will reflect on me in the future.

I'm not perfect, I do make mistakes once in awhile. But does the mistake is so grave that I'm given the death sentence?

During my blocked leave, we had issues, yes, I admit that's my wrong. But at that point of time, we were already on the edge, do you think I will want to make things worse? You think I wanna tell you real last minute?

The dinner with my army buddies, I didn't ask you because I didn't want you to think that you're not a good girlfriend because you didn't attend it with me. The Malaysia day trip also, because I know you will think otherwise so I didn't tell you about it because it was not confirmed. I didn't want you to see it as, others girlfriends going, so you have to go, don't go then I won't feel good. Then you're wrong baby. I never once minded about that because I know you have to study then we can spend time alone together on Saturdays. You came to pick me once when I book out, that was good enough.

You didn't send me to book in before, that's okay also. But you were there for me during my time in BMT, i can't be more happy. I seen people quarreling with their gf during BMT, but I was the lucky one.

To be honest, I think at that point you already starting to give up, you were using studies as a excuse to avoid me, to stop contact with me, I could see and feel.

Your love stopped as of there. You just kept running, you didn't want to face it.. Maybe you needed a excuse to end it now you have it, that's why you end. Communication totally broke down that whole week, I was holding up the 'antenna' to keep the 'signal' ongoing to communicate. I became like someone, begging and pleading for replies.

Every time when problem starts with me, you will ask to be leave alone, don't disturb you, not answering my calls, replying my texts... Giving me cold shoulders, ignoring me.. All these, I take in. Everytime when we talk about issues, you seem to see my reasoning as argument with you. But I'm not. Yes, You're going through a lot of stress from your studies so attitude might change toward certain things but keep saying our direction is different, not the right one for you, don't you know it hurts alot..

When I give so much, and then hearing all this... Dejected, desolated..

But when problem initial from you, I'll didn't walk away, or ask to give me time alone...

I answered all calls and texts. I work out a solution for you, the optimal solution even though sometimes is not the best. But I stay by your side.

All these I'm willingly to go through because it was part of parcel of a relationship and is because I love you a lot, more than anyone else even though is just months. When I'm committed, I am committed.

That's how relationship grows stronger, as long as there's no third party, this is how a relationship grows stronger, learning from it and going through together.

Going through all this, I never once had the intention of ending this, in my mind was just finding solution and changing things to get better. I don't blame you for any of it, I don't find faults in you,

But you thought otherwise...

What I wanna say have been said...

I really don't want to end it and I really love you and I can't do without you in my life,

but if its your wish and you think is the best then...

All the best.

0258

Cold Night

Jon

不完美

Eclipse of the heart.
Yes, I admit I lied.
But I don't understand you by saying washing your hands off me?
I can do anything I want, it's my life, it's my choice.
Then what am I to you?

Just a day ago we were talking about starting it afresh, and now you tell me the trust is totally gone, breached the whole trust of you, and now I'm outside your trust zone. Then if I'm not inside your trust zone, then may I ask you, What am I now? And if i'm outside your trust zone, then there is no more trust anymore, so how are we going to continue now when there is suspicious in the relationship? When there is no trust coming from either side, is like poking each other w a knife turn by turn to see who bleed it out and die first.

I'm not trying to find excuses now, or pointing to other factors. But I think, issue are coming or surfacing out now is because I'm someone who fixed plane and not commanding, steering a vessel or flying a jet plane. Even before this was out, you had something on me already, and it just accumulate.... Let's be honest... If I'm any of one of those up there, I'm definitely won't have this issue now, or be having this issue.
Because I'm posted to somewhere to learn how to fix a plane and then, there, my personality got question. It's funny... really funny.
I slowly coming to the term of " Rich and the Poor "
There is really a difference, the rich can be forgiven easily, the Poor.... HAHA..
People write off people like me, that's what I'm used to it.
Do something wrong and everything is written off,
Whatever you done in front or build up is all brought down,
given the death sentence.

There's is nothing I can change...
If the trust is gone, then I only can bear all costs/ suck it up, unhealthy and not nice words will be said and I just have to suck it up and prove it..
Trust has to be rebuild..
Just can't believe just one is enough to tear it down, while I withstand so many waves...
Not gonna find any excuses or case studies to fight back, just gonna absorb everything and reflect on my own....
Keeping quiet doesn't means I can't be bothered or not fighting, just letting things calm down a little bit.

Jon

Friday, October 18, 2013

Bottom Rock

One week blocked leave ending..
Woke up at 0945 and kind of pull until something on my elbow...
sting pain whenever i bend it, but as long as it can move, it will heal itself..
Posting is out today,

Posted to Air Force School
Vocation: Air Force Tech(Trainee)

YES, everyone has that question in mind, Why there?
Even my dad gave me the puzzled look when he got back from work..
How come tech when no engineering background and my diploma wasn't specializing on that
Everyone expecting OCS, Naval Officer as I have been expressing interest in..
but sometimes, things goes the other way..
I don't have a engineering background, I'm combat fit and physically fit, I'm PES A...
I also have this question in my head but where do I look for an answer?
If talking about BMT performance, I think I did well enough.
If talking about peers, I definitely didn't have any grudges between section mates.
So where did it go wrong? I'm also looking for the answer and don't ask me, I really don't know.
Disappointment after disappointment...
Whenever someone ask, the disappointment just snowballed...

Not saying that this vocation isn't good, I remember during my times in BMT,
Encik once said, all vocation are important, they need each other to make things work the way they are.( not trying to comfort myself)
Since there is no way of reverting the posting, I gradually taking it in, need some time for it to sink in.
Now all I know that I'm being posted there, though I'm affected by this very much cause I didn't really see this was coming,
but during my days in BMT,
I learned this term called Professionalism.
Wherever I'm being posted to, I go there and do what I need to do.

To the other section-mates,
Congrats to those to went SCS or OCS. Well Done!
Though we not going to the same unit/ vocation, remember to stay in contact uhs!(:
Don't forget about me lehhh!
The guy who was quiet on Day One who turn out to be a noisy and annoying ass !
HAHAHAHA..

This week has really been bad for me, really bad.....
Felt like I hit rock bottom in life once again, no words can express what I'm going through,
Love, Passion... Everything...
Is another roller coaster ride where this time I'm going downhill again.......
I really don't know what to do,
the whole week I have been hanging and trying..
What you said this morning is harsh, but I know is a wake up call, you been emphasizing since day one when we got together or even before we got together.
They said is a phase that one has to go through to see the rainbow and sunlight,
I hope it's really a phase.
But before the phase continue, it's lingering....
Really hope you think about it, I have shown you this few days already.. I'm trying so hard, I believe you can see it for yourself.
To me, this few days, you have been just running away and avoiding.. to me.
The final decision is left to you. Take whatever you want in consideration, make the optimal decision.
I hope let's not drag this on, it hanging and struggling for me...
Let's come to a conclusion.

Jon

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

How it started

I remember how it all started,
Arguing and fighting over small matters,
teasing each other,
disturbing each other....

then came the pig nose, which was words that couldn't be expressed, she will use pig nose to represent it.

Then came the love.

And then we got into a serious relation...

and everything was history there as we embark on the journey.

It's like fate, finding you out of so many people,

and I found you.

Things don't look like the way it is.

Silent is the deadly weapon ever.

Kills softly without knowing.

Day 3 but somehow it seems to me it's not looking good.

Cold,

What have I done?

To be continued....

Jon

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

iPhone user AGAIN

I become a iPhone user today again!

Went for the 5c white 32gb, cost me about $225 and have to pay a penalty of $30 because I had to transferred from blackberry plan to iPhone plan and not forgetting having to pay the remaining 4 months of the value added service as it was contracted for 24months!!!

Comparing this phone with my first iPhone 3GS, the functionality is about the same, differences is the technical specs and also the length and thickness. This 5c felt longer and thinner, kind of like the way it is though. Hopefully this doesn't disappoint me like the 3GS, last me for the full 24 months okay! HAHA. I'll take very good care of you de.

Went to pray my cousin this morning.

Everyone is wondering what make her took the plunge but what happened happened, we only can learn and move it.

Ah ma also said, 人走了就走了.

Guess the really affected ones are the parents and the brother.

Heard my cousin even bought her brother his birthday present even before the actual day. So sweet.

What a loss. ):

day2
And though I know,
I’ve already blown more chances
Than anyone should ever get
All I’m asking you is don’t write me off, just yet
Don’t write me off just yet

Jon

I try to sleep, yeah
But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me
A thousand more regrets unraveling, oh
If you were here right now I swear I'd tell you this

Baby, I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside, it's killing me
'Cause all I ever want
It comes right down to you, to you

I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby, I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

Jon

I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
is it half empty of our wins or have i ruined all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
but look through that
and you will see,
I'll do better, I know,
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
amazed how I somehow managed to
sweep you off your feet girl,
your perfect little feet girl
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better, I know
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

And don't you know my heart is open, oh,
it's putting up the fight,
and I've got this feeling,
that everything's alright,
and don't you see,
I'm not the only one for you
but you're the only one for me.

If you leave me tonight I'll wake up alone,

(stay)If you leave me tonight,
(close) I'll wake up alone,
(don't)don't tell me I will
(go)make it on my own,
(stay)don't leave me tonight,
(close)this heart of stone
(don't) will sing till it dies
(go)if you leave me tonight.
Don't leave me tonight

Losing faith,

Can't see a future.

I don't know how should I feel now.

Jon

Monday, October 14, 2013

First Day of Block Leave

After 9 weeks, first time waking up at 10am on a Monday morning.
Nobody was at home, parents went to work and brothers went to school respectively.
Right eye feeling sore, don't know why...
It's Monday, it the start of a new week.
There's bad news and also good news. But the good news is not good enough to make up the bad news. Sigh..

Brush my teeth and look into the mirror...
Today is Monday, 14 Oct 2013, supposedly to be the interview for the Naval Officer vocation. But I'm at home, not in my smart 4 or on my way to CNPB, which means I'm not selected. Disappointed for sure, plus the on-going thing, depressing... nobody to talk to.. nobody to confide to..
Tried my best and did what I could, at the end of the day, what's yours will be yours.

How did things turn out to be this way?

Went to make a cup of coffee and called mummy.
Had to prepare the soup for tonight dinner, so went to scald the ribs and then boil the soup. Tonight soup going taste so awesome!
After doing the soup, went to salt the fish! HAHAHA.. Quite easy.

Prepared dinner already, went to shower and wash clothes...
while waiting for the washing to be done, went to organise my photos.
Looking at our photos, and things we did the past 2 months, re-reading the letters and book,
it was so lovely..

Phone contract is eligible for re-contracting, which means, new phone coming up...
Going for the new iPhone 5c, back to Apple after Blackberry for a year.
Not going into Samsung. HAHA.. Hopefully by this week will get it.

Time check now is 5:26pm, still waiting for the reply.

Jon

Saturday, October 12, 2013

End of BMT

Today marks a milestone.
We walk the talk, 24km route march.
Who expected that we managed to do it?
The sore, the shagness, the tiredness... but what push us through to complete it?
Our mind and what we are doing it for.

9 weeks just passed like this, the journey has been amazing.
We started from strangers to section mates, then to what we are now, buddies.
We sleep, eat, bath, go through shit together.
How we share everything with each other, disturbing each other, motivating each other.
9 weeks say long not long, say short not short, all I want to say is,
It was amazing being buddies with you guys in my BMT, laughter during the joking time and seriousness during training. Thanks dudes!
Wherever we end up to,
Let's not forget each other and remember that we once passed this shit together! (:

1st COY PLATOON 4 SECTION 2!!

Jon

Sunday, October 06, 2013

Last week of BMT

This week commence my last week at Tekong island.
Hitting my week 9, it has been a long journey and how time flies, to type out my whole story here will be too long so I'm jut going to summarize it.
I remembered enlisting on the 14 Aug, having the uncertainty of a new environment and new people and now, all have become comfortable and buddies of each other. It has been an amazing journey.
I get to know people from all walks of live, especially those sleeping in the same bunk as me.
Those are the people who shared laughter, pain, 'torture', everything together for the past 8 weeks and hopefully it doesn't come to an end after passing out. Basically covered all the high key events, left the GP rehearsal this week. Think is going to be tiring and shag cause need to rehearsal the whole GP till it's close to perfect or perfect. Expecting leg aches and shoulder aches!

Did guard duty for the first time on thursday night, lucky to be selected in the last guard duty of this BMT, quite fun though it was very slack, just walking around, with live rounds on me and a walkie talkie, not forgetting my buddy Glenn. HAHA. It was a good experience though. We literally talk the walk for two hours of duty.

This journey of BMT definitely gone through alot, mentally and also physically. But it was a good experience and I enjoyed every moment of it, every shit moment of it.

Aches and pain gone through, mentally and physically, definitely makes me a better person.

Not forgetting the important people who have played an important roles during my BMT. of course my parents, always supporting me and asking if I'm coping well inside and also my girl, Yvonne Lim, thank you for always being by my side, supporting me all this while even though you yourself is going through a stressful and hard time. Making time to talk to me almost every night when I'm in camp. I don't know how to thank you but I love you baby. (:
You yourself can also do it, you must also jiayou! jiayou!
Don't let happenings affect you that much, be strong and always faced it confidently!

I always have the faith in us!

I love you.

Jon

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Got to wait for 2 weeks before I get to see you again.

Whatever it is,

You always loved and missed.

Jiayou baby!

Jon

Monday, September 23, 2013

Week 6
Welcome to week 6!
Left with only 3 weeks to go!

how fast time flies, now approaching the down-slope of the BMT. Just reached the peak of BMT last week and now, going down the slope then POP! kekeke..
Everyone shld be excited and happy that field camp is over!

Ytd went to meet my dear after no contact for 6 days. Miss her so badly! and I know she also miss me badly! kekeke! Met her straight at Bugis because she had lunch appt with her classmates. Give her a big warm hug upon seeing her, telling her how much I miss her. Cheesy!
Then company her to Raffles City to change her dress and trained down to Holland Village to have our dinner. Running out of idea of what to eat and she was also still full from her lunch so instead of opting for western, we went for Thai Express. Order quite alot of food for two though but I'm hungry! end up I had to eat abit of her share too. HAHA.. But baby wasn't looking happy the whole day, her mouth keep tuk tuk, maybe my face bah, my face was black. Literally we didn't talk much, only sharing what happen the past week. Maybe both of us going through the stress period, nobody know but hopefully in weeks to come, it will get better. After dinner, both of us feeling so bloated, took a slow walk to the bus stop and bus back to her place and then that thing happened again. Argghhh!! no time to feel angry because is of no point!
Went to the void deck and deck everything out and made baby tear again, too much stress but on the bright side, lucky i'm by her side and I could lend her a shoulder, give her a hug, because last week, she cried over the phone and I felt so helpless at that point of time. Soon, it was time to go home because she have classes tmr and then she told me to wait downstair, she go up to take something and guess what.....

how sweet of her to make oreo cheesecake with WHIPCREAM for me. hahaha.. awww..
Very sweet of her, she beat the whipcream until got blister know because she didn't have the beater.
Thank you baby for that cheesecake, it tasted good! Looking forward to more uhs? :P

Baby, it has been a tough one for you last week uhs. I know. But I'm glad it over and WALA!
Baby is back! KEKE!
But you just done w your prelims and taking back most of your results today. I'm pretty sure you improve or even do well after seeing you putting so much effort. But whatever the result, always think on the positive side. I'm not the kind that can study one but as long as there is improvement, is a good thing. Alright?
I know last week, something happened and I don't blame you for that. Is not your fault and you don't have to be sorry. I have to be sorry for pushing you, stressing you to get it done. Yes, maybe you were right, everyone has their ways of settling, I'm sorry for overlooking at that point. I trust you totally, I shouldn't have thoughts of fear in that in the first place. I'll leave it to you to get it done and wash my hands off, is not I cannot be bothered or don't care, is just I entrusting you to get it done and I know you can (: and you can always update me too.

Received your morning text this morning though is not a good start to the week for you but everything's gonna be fine, remember to tell me anything should mummy said anything about us. Just don't be too bothered by it okay? (: it will be alright, jonny here.

I know you got your prelims result today, didn't do that well, feeling depressed over it but no matter what, don't think too much, work harder and move on. Most importantly, don't break down otherwise everything will go to waste. Just do what you need to do, I'll be behind you, giving you a hand whenever you need one.

Time for me to book in soon, 4 days! KEKEKE..

Can't wait for next weekend to come. Just to see you.

我爱你宝贝.

Jon

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Brutal Week 5 ended

Ended my long 6D5N field camp.
The highest peak of BMT, the field camp and I managed to get through it, it was tough physically and also mentally. Not showering for 6 days, sleeping inside a shell scrape dug by me (super tiring, hands became numb and blisters) , eating combat ration (some were nice, some were... eeekkk! but due to hunger, everything also went down the stomach), every drip of water was like holy water. HAHA.
The weather was good, no rain for the whole 6 days, so we were mud-free. But it was the humidity that shag us out but whatever it is, 6 days flies and I got it done! (:
Another thing, after this field camp, my section mates also got closer, helping one another, pushing each other to soar! amazing people! How we started off 5 weeks ago not knowing each other to now today where we are. HAHA... sharing jokes and sharing life story. :P

One thing for sure I bring home from this field camp is being mentally stronger.
On the 3rd day when all of us were pretty much shag out physically and mentally, the letter from our loved ones came.
To be very honest, I never expect my loved ones to write to me, I was expecting a commander letter inside the envelope. Before we get to open the letter, we were literally 'torture'. We had to run here and there, leopard crawl, taking off our LPV and helmet and putting it back. Then came the high knee and the 'lecture' done by our PC. What he said was actually quite true, true emotionally enough for some of us to tear or fighting back our tears.
After the 'torture', we went back to where our stuff is and the letter for each of everyone is placed there respectively. Never did I expect when I open the letter, I saw a foolscape and straight away, I was holding back my tears. Open the foolscape and I saw the first word, Mummy, immediately, the tears just accumulated by my eye bag waiting to drip. Then finish reading, it wasn't over, there was another brown envelope, I thought it was a family photo inside and I opened it, it was another letter. Shocked and surprised, who could it be? I totally had no clue that it was from her, none other than my dearest baby girl Yvonne. Straight away, the tears couldn't hold on and floodgate open, as i read line by line, the tears drip on...... It was just a simple piece of paper, called letter but at that point of time, it wasn't just words on paper, every words was like a voltage, sending power into the body system, it was a morale support. Totally touched with supports from all of them, it caught me off guard. Thank you my loved ones, I don't know what to say or how to thank you but all I will do is to show you back my gratitude for your support and love in time to come. I love you.

Jon

Friday, September 20, 2013

Field Camp Day 5

Last night I'm spending on the field, out of civilization,

I'm coming home tmr YAYY!

How time flies, Friday is here and you're done w your biology paper! which means you're done with your prelims!

Guess you have a relieve on your shoulder now, though is not over but at least done w your prelims.

I'm pretty sure you get good result! I have confidence in you. Don't be think negatively ah! (:

Last night on my field camp and tmr I start sending you goodnight kisses again!
Been long since I received your goodnight kisses. HAHAHA. So shld I say, our first time not contacting each other, almost a week and this is the real test!

Goodnight my dear baby!

Have a good deserved rest after completing your rough week prelims.

Sweet sugary dreams!
Sweetness can never melt in our relationship, it just keep coming and coming.

I can't wait to see you tmr though I'm not sure what time I'm booking out.

Wanna give you a tight big hug!

Love you baby.
miss you muchmuch^^

Jon

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Field Camp 4th Day

The fourth day and its Thursday.
Almost done, completed your 4th paper and I'm in my last day of my field camp.
Tmr will be my situation test whereby reservists personnel come back to grade us on situation handling.

You're left with 1 paper and your prelims is done.

Tmr Bio paper! Still remember when I company you study and you're were looking through the DNA topic! KEKEKE. Those were the times uhs baby!

Every night before I head to bed,

I tell myself that I'm one lucky boy to have you.

Before I go to bed,

I'll pray for your safety because you're so essential to me now,

Without you is like heart without blood,

Lung without air,

Plant without flower,

There is no meaning to it.

Thank you for loving me.

Goodnight baby and sleep tight!
i love you.

Jon

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Field Camp 3rd Day

How's did the math paper went?

I bet you didn't disappoint yourself right my dear?
Is like your favourite subject, that's what you told me. since is your favourite, I'm sure you won't let it down!

Tmr Chemistry paper again, don't know is MCQ or structured question but whatever it is, I'm sure you can overcome it! HAHA.
Prove it not to anyone, but prove it to yourself!

Baby,

Between a million yesterdays and a million tomorrows, there’s only one today.

No matter how far are we,

No matter where I am,
I would never let it pass without telling you

I’m thinking of you,

Missing you.

Have a good night rest as you tackle your chemistry paper tmr my love.
Love you baby.

Jon

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Field Camp 2nd Day

Today is your chemistry paper. How did it go?
You didn't freak out right? HAHA.

Tmr is Math paper. Your stronger on this paper. Must do well and score okay! I know you can do it!

I show you can excel and ACE it! you're my baby!

I long for you each night

if i give u my heart,

will u promise not 2 break it?

I want u to want me

I need u to love me

I dream so I can see u
Goodnight my dear. Sweet dreams!
one paper down! (:
Love you^^
*muack

Jon

Monday, September 16, 2013

Field Camp 1st Day

It's Monday again and booking in.
baby, you better start your week well ah! cause I'm coming to end it well on sat! (:

It's the first day of my field camp. gonna start by walking there 12km to the camp site.

Really don't know what to expect or what's coming up ahead but I know it wouldn't be an easy one. But i know I can do it, with your moral support outside, I'm really going to give me my best and endure it!

Today you had your prelims, after a week 'break'

Econ paper, you don't like de paper right? How did it go? Manageable? I hope you tried your best whatever the result is, as long as you tried your best you have no regret, like what you told me, so you must practice what you preach. Let's all work together!

All the best for your chemistry paper tmr! Jiayou!

I'm looking out from my tent

The stars are putting up a romantic show

Now I miss you even more

I feel like taking a walk with you on the shore

All I can do is dream

About the day we are together, nearer it seems

As the night brings darker skies,

I wish you goodnight my love.
love you my dear baby.

Jon

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Week 5 of BMT

Entering 5th week.
Going to my field camp and SIT test for this week, which means out of civilisation for 6days till saturday!
Gonna miss my dear baby the most. She going through her prelims this week, while i go through my field camp, indeed, it's another test for us again! HAHA. but she's always there and I know she going through a hard time and she know I'm also trying hard, so we are always there for each other ^^ LOVE!

This weekend, nothing much happening.
Friday book out, head home was already late 8plus plus having the 8km route march in the morning was straining my back and calf.. too tired and weak! battery total empty! So didn't meet up baby even though I told her I'm going to meet her. My bad baby!
Called baby after her tuition but she sounded moody, don't know if she's tired, sleepy, stress over what.. but indeed felt helpless unable to help her.

Met up on saturday with baby.
Met late afternoon because she had to study for her prelims this week.
And decided to surprise her by heading down to her place downstair while telling her to meet at West Mall, heading there for movie date, 'We're The Millers'. She was 'shocked' when she saw me downstair her place! YAY! SURPRISED done!
Took a bus down to West Mall, didn't had much food fare there, so decided for erm... Swensen! had a fish and chip and baby had de.. Crayfish Pasta. Their cheesestick wasn't good! boo! eat only like one stick then didn't finish it.
After dinner, headed for 7:35 movie.
NICE SHOW! funny FUNNY show. Baby couldn't stop laughing! indeed a great hilarious show! recommend! after the show, we went to have Gong Cha. Baby had her melon milk tea but the normal milk tea sold out le, had to settle for green tea milk tea. HAHA. baby didn't like hers, saying it taste different from other outlet, baby, it franchise!
Took a bus back and due to a 'bet', I have to cook for my dear baby. HAHA.
After my field camp bah, cook for you okay! 3 dish, pending soup. :P
Then we went for walk at the park as usual our saturdate and had a long conversation again! weee ^^
always feel good as we have conversation, understand each other again more.
Soon, it was getting late and time for my baby to go home and rest.
Thanks for the love letter baby!
Love you much much.

Hello baby.
Your baby going to book in in an hour time or soo!
know you gonna miss me cause I'm going to miss you badly, like real bad, not able to hear your voice for 5 nights! You been through alot, and we been through alot thick and thin. many more to come, is a matter of test of our love. After the talk last night, I know you want for my own good also, can see the effort you putting in planning for the future and all. Appreciate alot know! The best afterall. kekeke..

Jon