You got to lose to know how to win

Monday, July 30, 2012

Back from Soccer game!

Damn, just got back from a soccer game at Meridian JC at Pasir Ris. Though abit far but lucky had direct bus to there. Playing for SKF, my cousin’s husband company team also my cousin la. HAHA. The first 20 minutes was hell for me as I was playing in a new position as a left-back and they keep attacking on the left, taking the advantage as I was so small build compared to their left winger. However, I had a good time defending and keeping it in bay however, fatigue kick in and I kind of allow the winger to get past me which lead to a scoring opportunity.
but it was super tiring as I had to run up to support my left wing and run back when opponent got the ball back and at the 40minute mark, I was almost died man… HAHA.. whole body couldn’t take it, breathless till vomit.

So half time break, quickly took a quick drink and rest before kicking off the second half as left winger! YES! Can attack and run against defender and I was much comfortable with that position and even managed to turn defender away and also won a penalty kick for the team( I didn’t dive, the defender did caught my leg when I was taking the shot, clear on goal, good call referee).
But in the 35minutes, cramps kick in and out I go. In all, I had a good game (:
Shall join them if I’m free the next time.

Then my cousin send me home, For the first time, I sit a BMW 3 series with M power.
The roar of the engine was so loud yet the inside was so quiet. On-board tv, sunroof and you can even pick up call without holding on to the phone! Cool shit! I just fallen in love with that car!
HAHA. He used to drive an Audi A4 and then changed to this. I just found my new “idol”. HAHA.
As usual, it was conversation time during the journey.
How many year left to graduation? Faster get NS done and come out to work. And if want to further study, do it in a part time way, so that you can work and also study, in this way, you have options and different path to take. Should the company policy not good, jump to another, when you’re young, keep jumping to different ships because no matter how hard you work, the company will never belongs to you anyway( agree!) Always remember to buy 4D, got buy got hope. 4d can buy, the rest don’t touch. Don’t go find the money, let the money come find you. Another inspiration line to me. HAHAHAHA!

Jon

Soledad

In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on

After so long of fighting, 'swallowing' of pride, the war has ended, the war has come to an war, I lost. Lost everything.

heading for soccer game later at Pasir Ris with cousin company team. it's been long since I kick a ball.

Jon

Sunday, July 29, 2012

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I'm here to stay to make a difference that I can make

but who am I to say?

Well, day 06.
went drinking with ~~friend~~ friends
You know, before , Friends over me, after , Friends even over me more. Sometimes, since it over, just wanna teach everyone a lesson. RELAX JON! You are still trying your best, just bear with it.

It was a great talking session last night till 3am. HAHA. Slept like 4 hours before waking up for my 'prison routine' At least it was much better than the first few talk time.
Getting to communicate with sister. Like talking to my own 妹妹.

After the talk,
I come to realise certain things,
certain happening came to light and I'm surprised at myself that I was having other feelings rather than anger.
Maybe is more of understanding why did it happen and rather at why it happened?
Yes, I'm kind of a sensitive guy, I admit. This is a virtue that I have, being sensitive on certain issue.
The pride and dignity have been hurt
What's surprising is I portray such this image to you. I'm this kind of person that portrayed to you.

And is just all down to me to make that choice of wanting to do it or not?

Shld I?

Jon

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The first Saturday

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok.

Is a mistake that I can never make it up to... for now.

Jon

Friday, July 27, 2012

Day03

can't seem to really accept the fact, it just coming too fast. And all I'm getting is time time will heal and all.

I really don't understand just what's is wrong and how can it be so cold and the feeling of being avoided and questions asked being written off by not replying to the questions and changing the topic. How can it be possible like that? How can I be just being get rid like this while the rest get to stay? Shouldn't it be the other way round? My sleep has been circulating around thoughts and thoughts... Trying to make sense with what I'm being told. Trying to link everything together like a piece.

I guess this is what happen when I drive a car straight into a wall at 150km/hr and crashes into the wall and then end up being in the intensive care unit. Analogy.

Sometimes it's so depressing, I'm been forced to the corner, and not given the opportunity to have any say... It's killing me day by day....

Depression

Jon

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Day02

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know i'm here whenever you need me i'll wait for you

So i'll let you go i'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go i'll set your free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you i can't save you
It's something you'll have to do

So i'll let you go i'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me

So i'll let you go i'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

You find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

Jon

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Day 01

It's the right one when it hurts

It's been a day, and I'm going through hell. Having to put a smile on my face just so that people won't have other thoughts. Thanks for those who have taken note of the 'deep thoughts' face but I'm trying very hard too.

I guess she is also coping well, with the busy tons of work that's is shouldering her, and school time. Her attention is diverted and as time passed, she will gradually forget about me. Hopefully she have enough rest and don't burn midnight oil, is not good for her.
It's still hurt when seeing her contacting guys even though is just friends/ classmates(when the conversation gets to deep into other stuffs) but somehow the feeling of sourish is still there.
The sudden change when the option becomes a priority. The harsh reality.

Was scrolling through the text messages we exchanged and chanced upon this convo, I was sharing with her that I had a dream, so should I say is a nightmare, whereby we will go our separate ways and she say she will be stupid to do such things and who to know, the unexpected came. I'm bewildered still till now. I guess we can never know what's going on.
Tmr is another day adding to first.

been months,

Jon

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

为了她的幸福，我只好让她
可是我还是不会放弃
我爱你！
Fighting!

Jon

Monday, July 23, 2012

茅盾

why can't she give us another chance?
why can't she give herself another chance?
why can't she give me another chance?

Or

I just have to sacrifice myself and force myself to agree to her?

Jon

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Guess it over?

I don't want Heineken to be my company, I don't want it to be my best friend. Itt was a hangover and slept till 1. I cannot come to terms that it's happening in reality. I really still in my blank world, I bet all who heard the news were bewildered with the thing that happen just merely 3weeks ago and this just come. But people, I won't give up so easily and will fight for it, even if it to make things look bad, I have to turn the table.

Sometimes, It amazing that I find things out from social media and not through you. I thought is a basic courteous of being responsible to each other and you just write it off like is nothing. If I do it to you, would you be happy? I doubt so. I'm really amazed that you can do such thing, the fact that we had him just 3weeks ago, I thought it will change the thoughts .Maybe you forget which day you help them, but I think I remember. It was the day when you told me you need to be busy with school works and you end up helping other guys for their project and stuffs. Disappointing... You always say and say but you never show. And when you are being told to show, you don't even wanna try. And how can you just end it this way? No matter what your reasoning, it shouldn't be ending in this way because it's ridiculous. You don't even wanna give yourself a chance to help yourself change.This is called reflection of oneself, knowing your own mistakes and then make the necessary changes... This is the right way of reflecting yourself, the time that you asked for, this is what you should be doing and not helping other people when you yourself need the time to yourself more and not telling me that these are the mistakes and "I'm being too good for you" and "I deserve other girls who appreciated my love". Those are rubbish, those are cliche words used .

I still cannot believe you can just say it like that, as though were few weeks .

Jon

Friday, July 20, 2012

说好的幸福

my mind just froze, my heart skip a beat.
the tears just naturally flow down....
How could it have taken a turn like this?
It was so sudden..... I can't take it, I can't accept the fact.
I hope is all just not real and there is a way out.
Don't scare me.
I not willingly to adhere to your request.
I can't do it, I really can't.
I really hope you can think about it properly,
give us a chance,
give you a chance.

Jon

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Need some time alone

When one say they need time alone, it means it's either do it or break it....
How did it end up today till like this?
Isn't because of the phone call last night? Isn't because of me?
Isn't I really don't understand? The question mark always linger on the top of my head...
No answering of calls, no sms since 4 hours and counting....

To be honest, I'm really sorry but I just don't like the way you're 'treating' me. All I want you to do is be responsible and just tell me, I know you're busy with work, but how difficult can it be to just drop a sms telling me that you're busy and whereabouts and don't make one worry ? Seriously ?
Have you ever been this worry ?
How is that possible that you didn't see the phone when you were on the way home from there to here? I can easier check whether did you check your phone.
All is that just being responsible to each other... that's all. I know you're busy, think about it, why did I ever grudge that you're busy and always put our appointment away? I didn't.

Hopefully after the time alone that you needed and given to you, it will do better to yourself. I also hope you know where I'm coming from and we can have better really understanding .

I never meant to start a war,

You know I never wanna hurt you,

Don't even know what we are fighting for

Jon

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

RIP 3rd Uncle.

Lost another uncle ytd morning.
He went off peacefully, able to see all his kids, grandchildren and also his brothers and sisters before leaving this world to heaven. Rest in Peace Uncle, you're freed from pain and suffering.
Going go to his wake everyday to help out and also most likely help to shou ye.

Jon

Sunday, July 08, 2012

I'm confused

All I want to is to have a better understanding.. It doesn't matter if it solvable or not, whether will it be affects anyone of us. We must come to a point of having to understand the situation, a better understanding, being responsible for each other, and not just individuality.

Went through her blog, and I realized she didn't share much of our things.

Is plainly just about her or isn't just me on my thoughts, being too sensitive?

or do I have a stand in her life? it isn't plainly just i love you everyday, is every actions that affects.

I'm so bothered by this, seriously... time again and again...

Remorseful- is an emotional expression of personal regret felt by a person after he or she has committed an act which they deem to be shameful, hurtful or violent.

Isn't telling me that she regret it that this thing happen and all? This is what happen when is not been told to both each other, taking the responsible to tell each other everyday, every single little details. And whenever I look through her things, It's all question marks in my head, having to further think and think more of it.. maybe after all, I don't really understand her..
I always tell people, I'm proud to have her and in this relationship however maybe it's not..

Jon

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Instead of asking why am I'm choosing you, ask yourself,

"Why would you the chosen one when there were so many others?"

Jon

Monday, July 02, 2012

It Starts Now

my life starts now, 2012 starts now for me.

It the month of July, and I'm only left w 4months to 2013. And before the New year come, I have to do something about 2012. It not about the studies, it about my life.

After talking and thinking, I realized, I wasted almost nearly $10k in 'investment' and I didn't keep my hands, almost for 2years, I'm have been wasting away what I earned and now, when the 'rainy day' came, I couldn't managed to recover the 'flood'.

For now, I'm leaving on thin thread and also in debts, so Jon Low, it's time to wake up and walk the down to earth life...

There was a debt, which I can never pay back even with the whole life of mine. It's nobody fault, is just purely my fault and I will take the responsible and bear it myself.

As of today, I promise myself to be responsible to her, and no matter what, no matter how difficult it will be, I have to make it through...

Jon

Sunday, July 01, 2012

Haw Par Villa

brought her to Haw Par Villa. She didn't go before! so it was like a 'virgin' trip for her there.
It wasn't that quiet as that time, there were tourists there I think, don't seem to see Singaporeans! HAHA.
Walk around and the weather was killing..... Managed to took some photos and also photos together thanks to a helpful tourist and also the self timer! (we must find a photographer to company us) HAHA.

After the visit, her mum called and say Ah Ma was in bad condition and then she passed away peacefully.
Condolence to you and your family. Hope ur mum coping well.
As because I haven't meet her family, I didn't went down to pay my last respects to her ah ma because it wasn't a ideal place to meet for the first time. Sorry.

Jon