You got to lose to know how to win

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Just Another Sat

Met Bo Hui and Adrian at Plaza Singapura in the afternoon to get present, attending Glenn's girlfriend of 7 years birthday celebration at Pasir Ris later on. And walked from like Plaza Sing to City Hall searching for a suitable present and finally after close to an hour plus of decision making and walking around, we settled for a Swarovski necklace. After buying the present, all of us came to a conclusion that, Buying a girl gift was easy that's provided you're buying for your gf. HAHA.

Realized that when a girl turns 21, she really is treated like a princess! HAHA.

Then came a message asking me what event do I have tonight. HAHA.. After say 3 year plus, I never have imagined this, I never have expected this,

But is happening. HAHA.
She put me aeroplane last night so I thought she was making it up to me... HAHAHA..
So met her at Clarke Quay Shuffle and settled for a bucket and spicy wings( not that good) and just nice, my table was in front of the tv, SOCCER! hahaha.. but she made noise that my focus was on the tv..
At least I grew taller, I think I grew taller also but she more violent than before.. abusing me in front of so many people... HAHAHA..
but the atmosphere was good, live band and dedication, just abit noisy with people talking very loudly, trying to out sound the music and other tables.
Finishing the bucket, it was 12plus, time to go home. HAHA..

Jon

Friday, November 22, 2013

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!

Officially turned 21 today!
Another milestone yet again, another journey.
Had a simple thai dinner, 2 tables at Chong Pang area.
Pay dinner of course, a form of saying thank you to respective uncles and aunties who have been looking out for me and my family, not forgetting my godparents and also my cousins.
Received big ang baos and also presents, like being long since I received presents. HAHA.
And the presents turn out to be both watches. Am I a person who is always late? :P
After dinner, was cake cutting session, cake bought from my two beloved brothers. Thanks Brothers!
At first I wasn't having the intention to celebrate but you know, situation is fluid and just a call from mum and is 21st birthday, at least have a cutting cake session to commemorate it.

After cutting cake, it was to the drink! HAHA..
Met Bryan and Jerry, FIRST BOOK OUT! cabbed down to doll house and open 2 bottle.
That place changed so much, the last time I went there was like a year ago and it became so torn down.. Guess these places not really surviving though..
I guess the 2 boys have a good time until they cannot tank and I wasn't even warmed up! HAHA..
Had no choice, left a bottle there and send the 2 boys back.

Thanks for everyone who made the efforts,
the presents,
the red packets and
of course the wishing.
Thank You so much! (:

Birthday Wish:

Everyone to stay healthy and wealthy
And of course, find the right one.

Jon

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

21st birthday is just 2 days away,

Yet I feel no excitement,

Or looking forward to it..

It just have that sucky feeling, maybe is just the after effect of what happened a month ago.

Appreciate those who text and ask about any celebration. HAHA.

But sadly to say, there wouldn't be any massive celebration though the initial plan was to have.

This 21st will be just like my 20th, quiet and low profile.

Jon

Saturday, November 16, 2013

There are some things in life that are not seen by the naked eye,

Not feel by touched,

But only lies in the beholder.

It's amazing whatever that you shared,

When you looked back at everything, it was happiness and blessing,

And when it's over and you looked back, everything is just memories.

Was packing my stuffs and clearing it, putting all the stuffs that was shared into the 'history' cupboard,

chanced upon the letter that was given me during my field camp "letter given from our loved ones". Indeed at that point, it meant so much to me, opening it to read was already enough to make me tear, this was how much it meant to me but now, is just remains as a piece of history.

Read it once through and it all don't seem to make sense now, that's when everything has turned into just memories, just a past that once happened in your life, not in the present nor the future,

All the words that was written on that piece of paper is just words now, mainly just letters and words.

As I closed the lid, it was sealed and never turning back.

Jon

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Jon

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

There are so many things to look forward at the end of the year and yet i don't have the mood to celebrate already even though I know there are people who want to celebrate it.

My wonderful end of year programs is wrecked.

It was made to be a happy occasion, now it turns to be a mourning occasion.

Yes, I can make the best out of it but where to find the mood to make the best out of it.

I put you high up in the sky

And now, you're not coming down

It slowly turned, you let me burn

And now we're ashes on the ground

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can't live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

I came in like a wracking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

And you ever did was break me

H B T Y

Jon

Sunday, November 10, 2013

I don't know why every time at this point of the year, everything will just go down..
Like a roller coaster ride...
Goes up slowly and yet come down so quickly..
Once again, lost myself and the purpose in life again, no dream no direction...
Everyday seems like a... wake up and just do because I need to do, there is no more purpose in life or I haven't find the next purpose in my life.
Guess it's another recovery period like the last one, 2 months.. HAHA..
That's just one do it man..

Been 3 weeks since I entered AFTC.

Everyday is studying and studying, is like during poly years again...

But I'm taking it as learning something new but I think they misunderstand engineering informatics as a course related to engineering sector. But I'm going try my best to pass the weekly examination and behave myself, don't wanna get into any trouble man...

Been coughing for the past 3 weeks, on and off, flu and a lot of phlegm....

Must be not enough water, body feeling so dehydrated and plus alcohol every weekend, definitely body feeling dehydrated...

It close to 8pm on a Sunday, going to have to prepare to book in again.... Damn...

Another week, hopefully just passed easily.

Jon

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Jon

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

Don't tell me you feel apologetic,
Don't tell me you feel guilty
Cause you should
The moment you said that two word, everything falls on you.
I took 1 week plus to revive back, don't say I didn't try During that week, he came to stir things up, don't say accidentally or whatever fuck shit, it was wrong. It shouldn't even happened, it was wrong, don't say it his problem and all.
You could have done better, all I can say you didn't do a clean job clearing up that's why now we have to go through this and I have to suffer with it, suffer with something that I wasn't involved.
Accusing you is wrong but what you want me to do, everything seems to be pointing there, you just didn't do a good job, you don't know what you want, I made it clear to you. You just don't know what you want. Don't say I wanna make the whole world know you're the devil, people have eyes, they see themselves. I don't need to tell anything, people can easily see for themselves. That's a fact.
Giving 101% and this is the thing I get, I never request anything from you but you just didn't do a good job handling it 我不甘心.
Nobody wants to be a loser, everyone wants to be a winner but you made me a loser again.
Have you ever put in my shoe? I did put myself in your shoe, parents objecting I went through it, I fought hard for it. Past coming back, sadly I will never experience that because I do a good job and make sure it clean thoroughly. It's ridiculous.
Now just go and don't turn back, let's not stab each other again, everything hurts, everyone's is tired.
To be friend now isn't a good time, let's just stay as we don't know each other, let every good things just be happiness
A passing by happiness.

Jon

Monday, November 04, 2013

Alcohol Poisoning

Dad was sharing with me about this Australian guy who was a weekly drinker and got alcohol poisoning and nearly lost his life. Then I told him, 3 guys finished the whole bottle of a vodka and quarter of a Martel and he was like.. "WHAT! better don't drink so much otherwise end up like the Aussie guy!"
Hey, Daddy didn't say cannot drink but better don't drink so much! kekeke! Drink from the bottle.

So went to did a research on alcohol poisoning and based on the site I went, alcohol poisoning is seriously no joke. The symptoms of it is like vomiting, slow breathing... heart beating fast, blood circulatory goes up like rocket... but this is like so common for me man...
But most importantly it stated in the site that one cannot leave the alcohol in the body for too long, so going to toilet to relieve is a important thing. Relieving it out from the body is another way of not letting the alcohol level to accumulate inside the stomach and intestine, reducing the chances of alcohol poisoning( this is just what I concluded from what they say)
Sleeping away from it also is not good for the body, SHIT! I do that.
Can't wait for next weekend to come again because that's the only time I can sleep without thinking...

Weekend was a drag, time passed so slow...... Booking in later because of the holiday in lieu so didn't had to book in yesterday. Parade tmr first thing in the morning, got my hair cut and bag packed, ready for the week... I think.
Gonna have to survive the torment of sitting in the lecture room hearing the lesson for the whole day! DIE!
Examination on Wednesday and I haven't revise it man..
Got to revise tmr during my free time.
5 weeks to go!

No drinks for 4nights

Jon

Sunday, November 03, 2013

Did I overlook?

-A plaster is used to dress injuries not serious enough to require full medical attention,

I guess this plaster is not enough to heal me.

They said that I overlooked many things in the relationship.
They said I should just stab my heart and change a new heart, the heart is too soft.. soft-hearted.
I was giving too much trust and commitment that I forgot about myself.
Till today, I still cannot understand and get the hang of it. It's like totally, giving 100% everything to you and then end up, all this things happening...
Do you know what's fighting for someone? Do you know what's fighting?
Fighting for something means not fearing whatever happens, being there for the person no matter how people are going to say or judge. That's fighting.
How is it call fighting for the relationship when you don't even have the guts to tell everybody about us especially him( not forgetting trying to come twitter to trigger something, don't know what's his intention), your mum about us even she opposing it... You're not even proud of it.
Don't tell me you fought for us. From what I'm seeing, somehow cannot seem to link fighting for the relationship, fighting for me.
To this day, I felt like I'm being cheated, my feelings, my commitment.
I'm like a replacement once again..
The finger was pointing at me, yet when everything is over, the truth somehow seen some light.. the bitter truth, my wrongdoings were just a cover up.
It wasn't the way I thought, I wasn't the way I look at it, It was the other way round..
The 'secret' slowly reveals itself....Yeah, sometimes I'm contradicting, I agreed but from the way it is, you seem to be on the same line too.
Now I know why you weren't attentive towards me after that 1st month, It wasn't about me, it was you.
I did approach you if you had any problems, you said you were stress with studies and mum issue. So I took the understanding of that and not bother by it, give you the space and time you needed.
Really don't know why it's happening to me again, the same old situation, back to back relationship...
I given too much that I always forget to love myself, giving myself away.
My understanding and forgiveness towards this relationship has been taken for granted.
I have so many question marks about everything now, everything you did and all, what's actually going on, if the feeling faded away 1 month ago, then who was I going out with? Or rather who was I loving?
I had limitations because we couldn't go public, that's the biggest sacrifice in a relationship,
Didn't even post a photo on us, I also didn't make noise,
Post the things that he give you, I also didn't make a fuss out of it.
It just seems like I was the one pulling the strings together after anything happened... Anything happened whether caused by me or you.
We will drift apart when something happened and I was the one pulling the string to each other, giving assurance.
I'm not being sarcastic, I'm not being unreasonable but is just things you shown and given to this relationship somehow really really hurts me deeply, very deeply...

Ask yourself, touch your heart and ask yourself,
Do you agree actually we never have problems/ issues with each other, even there is, we could solve it together and come to a consensus. The real problems actually are coming from outside of us, outside the heart shaped of us, people who shouldn't be involved in the first place.

Do you think I even have the mood to go drinking with girls? Like seriously?
You think I treat my relationship like a game, when it ended, I go drink and celebrate with girls?
The pain and sorrow is enough..
Whatever you are going through, I'm going twice of it, maybe even triple or quadruple of it..

I survived the broken heart that was given to me,

I have battle scars fighting for you,

now, you left me bleeding all night

Jon

Saturday, November 02, 2013

Amnesia

I remember how it burns, how it burns

slowly like a cigarette

It's like water in my lungs, in my lungs

Cause I'm drowning in my regret

Everyday is getting worse like a curse,

I'm becoming insomniac

And I just can't get over it...

having trouble to sleep every night,

every time I close my eyes, flashback and playback into the wonderful time 2 months ago and now, a deserted unwanted time...

drinking to sleep every night, not going back to medication...

or should I just seek professional help?

Jon

Friday, November 01, 2013

Let the rich treat you like dirt

The poor to treat you like treasure.

My guess was right. I was damn right.

Contradicting? Me?

I'm not that contradicting after all.

Yeah, I lied but I guess you cheated.

From the time till now when your mum opposed the relationship was close to 3-4 weeks and your feeling were fading at that point of time, somehow it seems you cheated for my feelings for a month.

Whose contradicting? Means you were all prepared to end it before I know it. Now I have my doubts about you, and somehow all the question marks links up, not attending my POP ceremony and etc. now I know, I finally know. Fight for the relationship? Yeah, with little effort. Giving up when shit happens. I don't know how should I be feeling now, angry over cheating me? Happy that it ended? I think is sorrow that it was the former again. Yet again...

I don't want to know the reasons also, because it will just be absurd, everyone will be thinking, this kind of thing also happening, I never thought it will happen to me though but oh well...

Unbelievable... I thought all along it was my fault and now it doesn't seem to be.

I'll stop trying and expressing anymore, I'm tired. This will just go on and on... Partly my fault I admit but... I have nothing else to fight for already. Really a fool.

Don't have to be guilty anymore, I'm ending it, I'm not trying anymore.

Have nothing for you but just wish you all the best in your examination ahead and in life.

Jon