Sunday, October 20, 2013
Hours after that post,
5 unanswered calls
1 rejected call
Ample texts and whatapps messages,
She's calling it quits.
She's putting a stop now,
She's end it right here.
She says she is happy alone,
Happier alone without me,
Doing things alone happier.
What can I say? Heartbroken.
She's really washing her hands off now.
Personality issues? Nobody knows the real reason.
Academically wise, I admit I'm not that smart,
I don't come from a well off family but I have a happy family, a family where I go home with smiles and laughter, blessed with happiness.
and I start feeding myself since 16years old.
Yeah, I don't have a stable saving, my future look bleak.
Why can't I be given the chance?
I'm fighting for the chance but why?
For this whole 2 months,
I put in everything I had,
People around can see that I tried hard woo-ing you,
I didn't give up and stop there upon the
first rejection,
second rejection,
I just kept trying and trying till I won your hand.
The cards and efforts,
Going through so much to woo you,
Going through even more during the process of being together,
Not a single whine was made.
From mental stress of your ex and mother,
I gave what I can even though I had restriction.
When we just got together, you wasn't adaptable to my love,
Not able to go public,
Hiding here and there,
Try not to do things that can give you troubles,
Scarificing my dates for you to study through your weekends,
Giving you the space to study,
Accommodating to whatever requests you have, thinking that it was best for you to go through this period of time,
Absorbing your vents and pressure from your studies,
Sharing the load of pressure you had.
What can I give now?
What more could I offer?
So you think I'm that kind where I get your hand then I stop trying because you're my woman already?
I can't be more proud of having you, I always flaunt the things I done to you in front of my buddies girlfriends to make them jealous and make them give their boyfriend the "why didn't you do such things to me" stare. Don't say I didn't fight for you, didn't make a stand for you.
But because of accumulated disappointmentS and issues, you stopped.
Because of things that happened in the past to you before so now it will reflect on me in the future.
I'm not perfect, I do make mistakes once in awhile. But does the mistake is so grave that I'm given the death sentence?
During my blocked leave, we had issues, yes, I admit that's my wrong. But at that point of time, we were already on the edge, do you think I will want to make things worse? You think I wanna tell you real last minute?
The dinner with my army buddies, I didn't ask you because I didn't want you to think that you're not a good girlfriend because you didn't attend it with me. The Malaysia day trip also, because I know you will think otherwise so I didn't tell you about it because it was not confirmed. I didn't want you to see it as, others girlfriends going, so you have to go, don't go then I won't feel good. Then you're wrong baby. I never once minded about that because I know you have to study then we can spend time alone together on Saturdays. You came to pick me once when I book out, that was good enough.
You didn't send me to book in before, that's okay also. But you were there for me during my time in BMT, i can't be more happy. I seen people quarreling with their gf during BMT, but I was the lucky one.
To be honest, I think at that point you already starting to give up, you were using studies as a excuse to avoid me, to stop contact with me, I could see and feel.
Your love stopped as of there. You just kept running, you didn't want to face it.. Maybe you needed a excuse to end it now you have it, that's why you end. Communication totally broke down that whole week, I was holding up the 'antenna' to keep the 'signal' ongoing to communicate. I became like someone, begging and pleading for replies.
Every time when problem starts with me, you will ask to be leave alone, don't disturb you, not answering my calls, replying my texts... Giving me cold shoulders, ignoring me.. All these, I take in. Everytime when we talk about issues, you seem to see my reasoning as argument with you. But I'm not. Yes, You're going through a lot of stress from your studies so attitude might change toward certain things but keep saying our direction is different, not the right one for you, don't you know it hurts alot..
When I give so much, and then hearing all this... Dejected, desolated..
But when problem initial from you, I'll didn't walk away, or ask to give me time alone...
I answered all calls and texts. I work out a solution for you, the optimal solution even though sometimes is not the best. But I stay by your side.
All these I'm willingly to go through because it was part of parcel of a relationship and is because I love you a lot, more than anyone else even though is just months. When I'm committed, I am committed.
That's how relationship grows stronger, as long as there's no third party, this is how a relationship grows stronger, learning from it and going through together.
Going through all this, I never once had the intention of ending this, in my mind was just finding solution and changing things to get better. I don't blame you for any of it, I don't find faults in you,
But you thought otherwise...
What I wanna say have been said...
I really don't want to end it and I really love you and I can't do without you in my life,
but if its your wish and you think is the best then...
All the best.
0258